Wale ft Lloyd- Sabotage (by bambamhakkai)
march 19th
well its hard talking about something without getting judged so heres my only closure i can get. about two years ago i met this girl and she was so amazing like u people wouldnt understand. she was beautiful. long dark hair. a bit short. and her smile captivated me. she was the kind of girl u can talk to about almost everything. like we had conversation till dawn and it would be about the most randomest things. she was very funny also like she could make a dude laugh. wel; anyways i gained feelings for her while i was with someone that i knew i had no chance with. i wasnt playing anyone but instead i was being played and i found solace in her. that girl that made me smile again. so one day we both hung out at her house and it was cause of a dare that we both had our first kiss. i dont wanna sound corny but that was something i havent experienced before in my life at that moment. and from there i gained mixed emotions towards her. we kept our friendship the same as it was. like calling her a pendeja and just teasing her. then one day we went to a hockey game together and it was funny looking back at it. cause we were on the wrong side of the seats since she was cheering for her high school team and we were on the rival side but she didnt really care. neither did i but i was shy cause i was never alone with her. so when it was half time we played around with the streamers and then me being polite and shy i asked for a kiss. and thats probably our first real kiss outside of any game. by the end of the night she had to go and when i was gonna give her a kiss she deaded me but came back to kiss me. she teased me but hey i didnt mind. ..on march 19th 2010. we went to the beach and prior to that i had asked her out but she made me wait for her response. i didnt mind as long as she responded with a sure enough answer. so that night we went to the beach and laid down beside each other on the sand and looked up at the stars. i introduced her to the big dipper and was stunned that she didnt know what it was. i laughed a bit but i didnt care cause you learn something new everyday. she also told me her belief in aliens and how they exist when i said that they didnt exist and this all started because of some plane that passed us by. time passed and it was time to go and i didnt want her to go because that night was special to me and hopefull for her as well. i cant tell you how sad i got when she left but when she did i went back to the spot where we laid down and made a heart to mark that as ours. then our relationship began and it was the most greatest thing to ever happen to me. im still young and i was 16 at the time but that right there changed me. i never wouldve thought that a 15 year old girl would change my attitude towards life itself. on our first month i stilll rememeber what happened 2 minutes before the clock hit 12 that night. i beat her to the call to tell her happy one month anniversary…and to tell her i love her..just remembering it makes me tear a bit.. but anyways we made a month and i was so happy we made many more months from there. we went on double dates. dates with me and her and i even went to go visit her every chance i got. if i could i wouldve lived on her street and i would visit her every day just to say “hey babe hows your day going..” i even mentioned carving our names on that one tree at the cemetery near her house. it was something i shouldve done a long time ago. we never fought untill 5 months into our relationship. i would never want to hurt her or argue with her instead my intentions were to make her smile. and i believe i did a good job at it..months pass and i broke my leg. what i regret most was i had plans for us that summer. i was planning on taking her out to the movies, the beach, amusement parks, and even introducing her to my mother. but she met my mother under wrong circumstances. with me healing from a broken bone and my mother distraught as to what happened to her son. im just glad that she was there for me. that she didnt lose faith in me. but i regret not seeing her as often as i’d like. those times were hard on us because i had no mobility. i couldnt call her. and everyday i woke up and imagined her right next to me saying “everythings gonna be ok baby i promise”. but instead it was hard. she came for my birthday party and i wasnt happy because i just wanted to walk again and be with her all day.. i wanted us to be together alone and just celebrate with someone i loved so much. but that didnt tend to happen. but i was greatful she came around. and got me an itunes card and a birthday card:). months passed and i could walk again and she was stillthere for me and i loved every single second of our late night conversations. we would talk about us and i got to know the real her. she was the first girl i went to prom with and the my first. we made it ti 1 year and 3 months. until i made the mistake of breaking it off. im not gonna get into what happened afterwords it only hurts me deeply as to what shes done. but im not gonna blame her for it. it was my fault from the start and i deserved every single blow. every single lie. every single pain that was heading towards my way. in a way she was right about not loving anyone else. because i would only ruin something so beautiful.. words scar the soul and my souls been gone ever since all of this started to happen. i stay up all night asking myself how is her life. hows her new man and her doing. and i break down sometimes because all the greatest moments in my life were with her. i just miss the old us. how things used to be. how i would wake up knowing that i had her as my gf. how the thought of raising a family with a boy and a girl with the names ariel and mason would be. just all the stuff we ever talked about. gone like that. im a guy i know i shouldnt be saying this but 2 years is hard to just brush off your shoulders. im a human being and was blessed with emotions. but i guess its a process tryna get over someone like her. all the time spent together and all the memories. gone. forever. in a way i wanna tell her i love you and i would care for you like no other man can. but my chance is up and need to accept that i lost.. please dont judge me but this is the only closure i can find. im sorry if i wasted your time. but i just needed to let some stuff out. i just hope that shes doing alright. that shes ok. and that i pray that shes safe..
thought and prespectives
i guess in the end its all about finding yourself and finding out your true strength towards everything. i learned alot along the way but there are still lesson to be taught. lesson on how to love. not to judge. making amends and making friends. forgive your enemies. forget your problems. but most importantly move forwards with your life. dont stress on what couldve been. if it happpened be great full it happened. if it didnt theres something better along the way. just be patient. let go. and breath. cause we’re only given one chance and one life to make thing worthwhile. remember we all have to experience a lil rain before we can get an everlasting sunshine:)
"Truthfully I love my mother cause shes the only woman on this planet that will look at me and tell me she loves me no matter if I’m thin and anerexic or fat and diabetic. She accepts me for me.."
"You know when they tell you to be yourself you think alright but when you look in the mirror it’s like a sudden realization that your not good enough for anyone. You judge yourself. Your body, your face everything. You look at pictures of other people and you think I’ll never be as beautiful or good looking as they are. No six pack no gorgeous body but yourself. I’m one of those people that think that way but at the same time I’m fine the way I am. I don’t care about my looks . I am what I am and if they choose over personality then so be it.."
(Source: youwouldswearonyourgrave)
(Source: vonjoveylane)
(Source: weheartit.com)
